3 Reasons You Don’t Need a Mentor to Succeed

Stop asking for permission

A month ago I ended a fifteen year friendship.

It was not as difficult as I thought it would have been. In a brief four sentence conversation I realized I had outgrown my dear friend. I also realized just how much weight his opinion had carried in my life and I was more than ready to sever that influence and move forward.

“I cannot take advice from you because I do not want to be where you are”, were my exact words. It hit me just how true these words are and I continue to live by them. He promptly in disdain, began to list his accomplishments including his PhD and his lofty ¬†management responsibilities at his job.

Job!

The very anti-thesis of my life philosophy!

I’m sure that having a mentor is awesome but be aware that you will never go higher than the person whose opinions you value or whom you look to for validation. Your subconscious (that habit dependent part of your brain) will always find a way to keep you looking up to them by keeping you under them.

Give no man the position of being able to crush you or limit you at any moment.

Quite recently, my ‘habit induced brain’ led me to be drawn to another potential mentor. I admired him. I looked up to him. Until one afternoon, with a few texted paragraphs, he crushed me. I was at the mercy of his whim and moods because I ate up everything he said like it was the last living and breathing testament of the gospel of entrepreneurship.

I gave him power. I begged for his permission. The result? I began to see his opinions as my own truth.

And isn’t that what constantly asking advice is all about? Asking for someone else’s permission or confirmation to do something that you want to do. Asking a mentor for his opinion?

A few draw backs of having a mentor:

  1. You become limited by the success of your mentor
  2. What worked for them may not necessarily work for you
  3. The belief that you can’t succeed without a mentor is a limiting one, especially if you never find a good mentor
  4. The potential for human dependency is an ever present one

So how do we stop asking for permission? Especially when we are surrounded by close friends and associates who constantly offer it.

  • Realize that you are an entity all by yourself – A unique universe within the universe

What worked for your mentor won’t necessarily work for you. Maybe because you’re an individual and may have a very different approach to things. Give your individuality space to breathe. The success goal might be the same but there are several paths to get there.

  • Quit the urge to please other people

This is a primal one, I know. This caveman like urge to be with the herd in order to survive; to take directives from the master. I am yet to find another article that better explains this phenomenon along with amazing advice on how to curb it – Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

  • Get comfortable with self- accountability

The scariest part of moving from a 9-5 into entrepreneurship is having no else to blame but you. There’s no bull headed boss (Oh wait, that’s you!), no rigid HR rules, no ridiculous company policy – No excuses. The failures and bumps are all yours to own but so are the victories. Having a mentor can block you from shouldering the full consequences of your actions and attempts. Uncertainty is something you must become comfortable with.

Slowly, very slowly, as your authenticity blossoms you will attract your tribe. Out of the social wood work they will climb and they will recognize you just the way you are – being your authentic self.

So, take a hammer to those mental pedestals and pull down the elevated restrictions these idols have placed in your mind. You are free to experience your own failures, attempts, victories, un-trodden paths and adventures.

Realize that exploring the world alone is a two fold purpose. You uncover and you create, like a tapestry with a pattern that is completely unique to you.

Quit asking permission from  others to live a life that is completely your own.

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http://www.isaiahhankel.com/book

Overcoming ‘Shiny Job’ Syndrome

change direction

“We are going to have to let you go”.

I heard the words with the surreal realization that I was saying them.

I was firing someone.

As a person who feels deeply, one of my greatest challenges in business was separating my empathy from what had to be done. This employee had received several warnings and probations, but simply refused to or was incapable of complying with our customer service policy.

She had to be let go. I hadn’t made the decision but I supported it and I had to be the one to do it. As operations manager of a fairly small grocery store, the bulk of personnel management duties fell in my lap. I knew it wouldn’t have been a pleasant experience, yet I was not prepared for the begging, the tears, the promises to improve.

At this point, my hands were tied. I had to let her go.

I tried exploring options with her. “What will you do?” (That empathy thing again)

Between sobs, I happened to pick ip a few distressed phrases.. “hairdressing” “beautician certified”…

You’re telling me you have a very practical and high-demand skill yet you choose to stay here and work for someone else as a cashier? Why would you want to do that instead of starting your own business? You could work from home, decide on your own hours, set your own prices… I was taken aback. I had always wished I had a skill that could bring in an extra income..

I couldn’t understand the rationale of this employee. After almost an hour locked in my office, I convinced her to set up her business, offered to print her first set of 100 business cards and to get a few customers (my sisters) to support her initial efforts.

She had the opportunity to easily earn twice what she did now, tax free, working less hours and days than she currently did. Bonus, she didn’t have to operate in a constricting slave like environment or suffer an insufferable boss. My dad wasn’t the most human-asset friendly business owner. He is from an outdated era.

I call this the “Shiny Job Syndrome”. We have been fed the false idea that success is defined as ‘being employed’. We mentally pedestalize this belief and automatedly follow a programing that is outdated.

No matter how impressive the salary, a company can never accurately pay you for the value that you add and the time that you give. No matter how secure the position, there is always the possibility of being laid off, fired, or of the company going bankrupt or out of business. No matter how prestigious the title, depending on the whims and decisions of others steals your creativity. No matter how much initiative you are allowed to exercise, you will never be at the helm.

We spend our lives trying valiantly to protect ourselves from the same crises that will catapult us towards freedom and financial independence.

For years, I wanted to write. I was dissatisfied with my job. Yet, it wasn’t until I lost it all; the income, the security, the great apartment… Not until then did I find the courage to follow my dream with the only thing I had left. Me. I had nothing but myself, my time, my creativity, my initiative, my goals, my dreams, my desires.

It felt strange not having someone to answer to; not having a boss telling me what to do. How would I know when I was doing something wrong?

“You never realize how bound you are until you feel the heavy responsibility of freedom”.

And, it’s scary.

It is a scary thought knowing that, without instructions, every failure, every fumble is your own. There is no one to blame, no company policy to fall back on, no employee assessment to scrape through. But, beyond that fear, lay exhilaration. The thrill that I was creating something that was all me… No template, no rules.. no standards, no limitations. No commission. All mine. Loss or win, I owned the outcome completely.

And, to me that was worth it.

I had to carve out an identity. My old one was lost on having to answer to bosses, fit into corporate images and absorbing job-ideal expectations. I determined that if there ever was a business culture I wanted to support it would be one built on freedom. On the right of every human being to discover and pursue his or passion.

Instead of passively disciplining people, I wanted to help them discover the courage to start their own businesses using skills and interests and passions. So I wrote a book and started this blog.

I made a decision that the risks were worth it, the initial rejections – worth it. The up hill struggle to get that first client – totally worth it. Just to gain my independence, live my passion and do something meaning to me on a personal level.

It’s not easy, but with a little guidance and lots of determination, it can be done.

Check out Creating a Wealthy Mindset on Amazon for practical methods of unplugging your mind from the Shiny Job Syndrome mindset.

5 Cures For The Common Curse

false beliefs

There comes a point when.. you have tried, so many times.. in so many ways..yet you keep failing again and again. That point when everything you touch turns to s**t and you begin to imagine forces beyond your control puppeteering your life and sabotaging all your plans.

It happens.

If it has never happened to you count yourself lucky and if it does one day, come back and read this post.

For those of us who have had these frustrating experiences, we know the temptation to give up. We have been familiar with the fear of trying anything else; the fear of tying up anymore precious capital by trying another attempt or most importantly, the fear of facing the disappointment in your loved ones eyes… if they are still around.

You have already lost so much. More than seems bearable. You have felt the humiliation of being proven wrong, the burden of defeat, the clouds of doubt in our abilities to rise again.

You feel cursed.

Repeated failure in business is a hard blow to take. Not only is your ability to attain success under scrutiny, but your very identity, which is usually closely tied to your occupation, is openly questioned. It is a loss and it is painful.

Why does this keep happening?

Are you truly cursed?

I am not about to dig into the definition, history and cultural appropriation of curses. But I will say that the principle of a curse is based on a transfer of power. When you believe that you are cursed, you begin to operate within the limitations of this belief. You then give up on trying, admit defeat and stop half way on your journey to greatness.

Cursed or not, you have more mental power than you think to battle all your limiting beliefs. The only way to take down a powerful force is by using its own power. If a curse can make you believe that you are indeed powerless, the curse (or those who desire to curse you) wins the battle.

A man is already defeated if he believes his inability to fight back.

If negative words have been coded into your subconscious, you have the power to challenge and overcome these beliefs. This programmed thinking is a kind of curse.

A person’s mind is so powerful. It can invent, create, experience and destroy things with thoughts alone.

All it takes is one negative belief.

One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself whether the statement is true or not.

Your magnificent, resourceful and logical brain, then tries to find evidence through memories and in your present environment to support this one belief in order to maintain consistency.

You Can Regain Control

Whether an outside force or an internal one, you can ‘break a curse’ by resetting and reinforcing new thoughts – positive thoughts about yourself and encouraging thoughts about your circumstances.

Get your brain back on your side!

1. Maintain a supportive environment

Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Avoid the naysayers, whose words facilitate the curse experience. Find people who have similar goals and dreams and network with them. Environment is one of the most effective factors in behavior change

2. Keep a list of all your accomplishments and positive contributions nearby

The brain operates in a logical, fact – controlled way. If we feed it evidence that suggests a certain thing, it will look for even more evidence to support that belief in order to maintain consistency. Remind yourself every now and then of all the wonderful things you have done.

3. Practice gratitude

The principle of gratitude works by reinforcing thoughts of abundance in your mind. It takes the focus off what you don’t have and places it on what you do have. Gratitude is very effective in resetting ‘curse mentality’ that takes hold in the mind.

4. Be patient with yourself

This thought process didn’t develop overnight. In fact many of these limiting beliefs take root during childhood and will require time, patience and reinforcement to be completely removed.

5. Practice Self compassion

Don’t beat yourself up. We do the best we can with the tools we have until we discover better ways or tools to work with. It’s all a part of the process of growth.

To get even more tools on how to change your mindset into one that creates wealth, take a look at Creating a Wealthy Mindset, also available on Amazon.

Think Your Way To Success

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Consider your thoughts and dreams a preview of your life’s coming attractions.

At the risk of sounding a bit ‘New agey’, this concept isn’t very different from the law of attraction. At the risk of sounding like a hard, cold scientist, there is logic to the theory and it has been proven repeatedly.

Whether or not you have difficulties believing the theory , this line of thought bears a lot of weight. Skeptics can no longer deny the power of the human mind. Scientists in a never ending need to prove everything, have begun to explore metaphysics as a discipline in an effort to explain previously mysterious phenomena.

The take away message remains the same:

The human brain is much more powerful than we have previously believed.

Simply put, your thoughts play a huge role when it comes to your success.

The earliest clues came from studying conditions such as phobias or compulsions in an adult life that could be traced back to adverse childhood experiences. For example, a near drowning experience as a child will lead to an adult terrified of learning how to swim. This person develops a strong fear of going near large bodies of water without knowing why. They may not even remember the childhood episode. The subconscious in an effort to protect the child, laid down a program declaring that “going near water is unsafe” followed automatically by the conscious. The person carries this belief into adulthood.

What false beliefs have you been carrying around?

To achieve success, you must remove these false protectors that your brain has established in an effort to keep you safe. You are now an adult. You are  mature enough to take precautions and calculate the risks involved in your actions. You are no longer helpless and incapable of protecting yourself. Unfortunately, your brain may still be operating on that old software.

If thoughts and beliefs that oppose success are buried in your subconscious then you are the only one standing in your own way.

If you grew up hearing statements such as “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “only bad people like druggists or thieves attain wealth”, “money has to do with luck in life”, or even “learn to live within your means”, your mental programming has been blocking you from success.

In Creating a Wealthy Mindset, I outline all the success-stopping false beliefs along with methodological ways to eliminate these obstacles.

Start removing your mental barriers today. Email me at repaintingthewheel@gmail.com to order your copy. Also available on Amazon here.