3 Reasons You Don’t Need a Mentor to Succeed

Stop asking for permission

A month ago I ended a fifteen year friendship.

It was not as difficult as I thought it would have been. In a brief four sentence conversation I realized I had outgrown my dear friend. I also realized just how much weight his opinion had carried in my life and I was more than ready to sever that influence and move forward.

“I cannot take advice from you because I do not want to be where you are”, were my exact words. It hit me just how true these words are and I continue to live by them. He promptly in disdain, began to list his accomplishments including his PhD and his lofty  management responsibilities at his job.

Job!

The very anti-thesis of my life philosophy!

I’m sure that having a mentor is awesome but be aware that you will never go higher than the person whose opinions you value or whom you look to for validation. Your subconscious (that habit dependent part of your brain) will always find a way to keep you looking up to them by keeping you under them.

Give no man the position of being able to crush you or limit you at any moment.

Quite recently, my ‘habit induced brain’ led me to be drawn to another potential mentor. I admired him. I looked up to him. Until one afternoon, with a few texted paragraphs, he crushed me. I was at the mercy of his whim and moods because I ate up everything he said like it was the last living and breathing testament of the gospel of entrepreneurship.

I gave him power. I begged for his permission. The result? I began to see his opinions as my own truth.

And isn’t that what constantly asking advice is all about? Asking for someone else’s permission or confirmation to do something that you want to do. Asking a mentor for his opinion?

A few draw backs of having a mentor:

  1. You become limited by the success of your mentor
  2. What worked for them may not necessarily work for you
  3. The belief that you can’t succeed without a mentor is a limiting one, especially if you never find a good mentor
  4. The potential for human dependency is an ever present one

So how do we stop asking for permission? Especially when we are surrounded by close friends and associates who constantly offer it.

  • Realize that you are an entity all by yourself – A unique universe within the universe

What worked for your mentor won’t necessarily work for you. Maybe because you’re an individual and may have a very different approach to things. Give your individuality space to breathe. The success goal might be the same but there are several paths to get there.

  • Quit the urge to please other people

This is a primal one, I know. This caveman like urge to be with the herd in order to survive; to take directives from the master. I am yet to find another article that better explains this phenomenon along with amazing advice on how to curb it – Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

  • Get comfortable with self- accountability

The scariest part of moving from a 9-5 into entrepreneurship is having no else to blame but you. There’s no bull headed boss (Oh wait, that’s you!), no rigid HR rules, no ridiculous company policy – No excuses. The failures and bumps are all yours to own but so are the victories. Having a mentor can block you from shouldering the full consequences of your actions and attempts. Uncertainty is something you must become comfortable with.

Slowly, very slowly, as your authenticity blossoms you will attract your tribe. Out of the social wood work they will climb and they will recognize you just the way you are – being your authentic self.

So, take a hammer to those mental pedestals and pull down the elevated restrictions these idols have placed in your mind. You are free to experience your own failures, attempts, victories, un-trodden paths and adventures.

Realize that exploring the world alone is a two fold purpose. You uncover and you create, like a tapestry with a pattern that is completely unique to you.

Quit asking permission from  others to live a life that is completely your own.

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http://www.isaiahhankel.com/book

The Purpose of Negative Emotions

emotions1

Negative or unwanted emotions are a part of our experience of being human and are unavoidable. In fact, they are very clear signs that we are emotionally healthy humans. We feel sad when something undesirable happens or guilty when we have caused someone else pain or harm. This is a healthy sign that we are capable of empathy; the one characteristic that differentiates us from psychopaths.

Negative emotions, although uncomfortable are healthy, natural occurrences. Like other emotions, they are not permanent. They do not exist to torment us forever. No matter how painful that breakup was and how convincing the present feeling is that the pain will never end. Emotions come and they go.

Negative energy on the other hand, occurs when we cling to negative emotions longer than we should. The unresolved feelings after a breakup can develop into depression, thoughts of self-harm or obsession. Unchecked jealousy and envy have been motivators in many homicide investigations. The key is to learn from the negative emotion then let it leave.

“You must let the pain visit. You must allow it to teach you. You must not allow it to overstay.”

The pain from negative emotions alert us to the things we find undesirable. This is a very useful tool in discovering authenticity and purpose. We tend to focus on the things that make us happy and excited when trying to discover passion and purpose. But the things that trigger our undesirable emotions are powerful clues to who we  truly are.

Among the various pathways to passion described in Creating a Wealthy Mindset, I mentioned revisiting childhood desires, dreams and role models. However, your childhood upsets and indignations point to the things that bother you; things you want to change. These are the causes that you will be willing to fight for; your purpose.

As a child, I was upset by seeing animals being mistreated. To my parents’ dismay, I took in strays as pets and always had cats hidden under my bed. I thought at one point I would be a veterinarian. It so happened, I had a passion for the ‘underdog’ so to speak. I was eventually led to uplift and motivate others to live fulfilling lives by overcoming their internal obstacles.

It took a few years and several attempts before I was able to clearly define that purpose. But each negative experience (and my over the top reaction to it) led me, inch by inch towards my authenticity and ‘calling’.

Your negative experiences and emotions are powerful indicators of the things that you were meant to do. They serve as a pathway to your deepest passions. It will not be a linear process and can be quite murky and confusing at the beginning but pay very close attention to the things that upset you. The causes that get you riled up, trigger your rage; that gets that fire in your belly.

These are the emotions that will push you to take action.

Anger is a great hint for figuring out the things that you are passionate about. If it triggers such powerful emotions in you, it might be worth pursuing.

Envy is a sign that you aspire to be somewhere that you haven’t reached yet; somewhere someone else has already reached. Guilt suggests an issue that needs to be resolved either by apology, corrective action or both.  If you feel like an underachiever, it simply means that you have great ambitions and your subconscious is nudging you towards attaining them. Every discomfort has its purpose.

Negative emotions are guides.

Observe them closely and follow them on your journey to greatness.

Losing The Fear Of Change

I didnt forgetwhere i camefrom. i justcan't stay there

The tiles were yellow and faded.

Aged and handled magazines covered the coffee table. As I sat in the doctor’s office of my hometown, I saw several familiar faces. People I had known forever but never quite got around to meeting.

It was my first week on the road as a Pharmaceutical Rep. As I patiently waited for the receptionist to signal for me to steal a few minutes with the doctor, I overheard a conversation between two patients.

“I didn’t know you still lived in this town”. A young man in construction boots and soiled clothes responded, “I was born here. Where else would I be? I’m not going anywhere.”

A very simple realization that many people never get, is that fact that…

You are not a tree!

You are not planted where you were born or to any destination or situation that you happen to land in. You always have a choice to move. As humans, growth and change are not only natural, they are inevitable.

If you choose to stay where you are because you are very happy there, then that’s great! But that is very different from the notion of staying in one place simply because you were born (not planted) there.

You have to no obligation to stay where you are. Travel and explore. Have adventures and discover other places and things that resonate with your desires; your authenticity.

You owe it to yourself to find out what you like and dislike outside the influences of your hometown folk.

Similarly, never stay in a career or a job simply beacause you made that choice when you were younger. Never be afraid to move and try other things. Never be afraid to admit, “This isn’t for me. Let me try something else”. Discover your passion, try a new hobby, start a side business.

See what else is out there.

I dare you to move.

You can start by ordering a copy of Creating a Wealthy Mindset. Start by removing the mental untruths that have prevented you from living the life of your dreams.

Discover financial freedom and pave your path to success.

 

From Pain To Purpose

He who has the power of turning all negative vibes in his path into positive energy has learned the meaning of life

When I went broke, I experienced severe emotional pain. In my mind, there was nothing more painful than not having a steady stream of income. It stole my independence and my freedom – two of the things I valued dearly.

I got angry

Felt helpless

I felt like a slave to whomever I allowed to offer assistance. It was not a good feeling. I felt lesser than, beneath those who were still taking care of ‘biz’ and handling their lives with their steady incomes.

I also promised myself that I would help anyone who ever found themselves in these circumstances, which formed the foundation of ‘Creating a Wealthy Mindset’.

It soon dawned on me that my identity (idea of who I was) was so closely tied to being financially independent that not being in that place (no matter how temporary) was messing with my self esteem and causing great pain.

What did I have to offer now?

Who was I?

I felt diminished.

The issue wasn’t a lack of money. I certainly wasn’t starving. I ate each day satisfactorily and slept each night in safety. But the very thing I had identified my values with, was stripped from me.

People will fight and claw and do anything to protect that which identifies them.

Whatever you get your value from, is what you will fight tooth and nail for.

Getting and having money is great but what are your values and how are they tied in to how you make money, how you invest that money and your general contribution to the betterment of the world.

In other words, why the hell should you be wealthy?

If you are comfortable where you are right now, smooching off some relative, barely making it by each month what motivation is there to change, to move from where you are?

You need to tap into your pain source

What is the most painful thing about where you are?

Do they feed you but complain about it or give you attitude as they throw food in your mouth?

Do you long for freedom from other people’s idea of living.

So, what identifies you? What are your values? How do you define yourself?

This is your pain.

Use it. Wield it.

Put all that frustrating energy into creating your own life. Design it just the way you want. Let your pain help you to remain uncomfortable until you are where you want to be.

Transform that energy

That pain you feel now is your potential energy. Like a stone being pulled back in a slingshot. That stone holds within it massive energy to buss someone’s head if released (lol), but it won’t do any damage until it’s released. The pulling back of the stone increases its potential energy (the farther back it’s pulled, the greater force it will have when released).

The greater your potential energy (your pain), the greater the force when you become released. So, increase that pain when you can. Use it as your motivation to keep planning, keep going.

This is not the end of your story, merely a dark chapter. That middle chapter of your amazing biography. No great book goes without having a dark scary chapter for the hero/ heroine to overcome.

Dare you to move…

Stephanie ♥